i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
