He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
