WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
