it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
