There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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