Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
