Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
