based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
