Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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