i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
why does every cop we meet know your name?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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