His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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