would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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