Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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