I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
