That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
