it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
