sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
