I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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