Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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