I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
