Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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