My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
