I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize