i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
