Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, beer. Big fan.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize