Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
