What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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