Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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