my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How does one acquire holy water?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
