guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
