Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
