oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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