Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
