somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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