it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
