i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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