Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
