Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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