I didn't shave. On purpose
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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