That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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