overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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