I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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