Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
