After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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