Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
