thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
