Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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