I'm so fucking centered right now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
