What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
