He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
