RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
