Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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