I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
