Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
