yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
