why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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