i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
