I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
