Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
