I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
