i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
