I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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