I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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