Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
