Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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