capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
