where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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