I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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