dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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