He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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