first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to make out with him forever
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
