A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize