Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
