you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
