And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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